Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
