so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
