y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
