There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
