I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
