Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
