They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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