I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
