Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
