Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
