4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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