apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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