You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize