it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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