Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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