if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
