nut hugger
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
