***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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