i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
