she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
