considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
