If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
