he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
