Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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