Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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