Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize