I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
