the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize