we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
