My pussy is not your playground.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
