I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
