I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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