i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
