do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
