No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
