life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
