Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
