he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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