I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
