i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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