I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
