Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
