one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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