I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
