i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
