winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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