I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
