Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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