wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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