Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I CAN MOONWALK!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
