May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
