I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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