youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
