she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
