if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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