Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
