theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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