Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
id be glad to
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
