This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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