No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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