she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
