at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
