If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
