Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
