you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize