piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
